Category Archives: Uncategorized

Still working it… still believe in it….

The biggest struggle in life that I have found is finding someone to believe in you when you have hard things to do. Even if they are the right things (not always the right ways, but with the right intent).
I find that the world right now is really needing people that just believe and support. If you are one of those people that do… Believe! Breath! Find the Balance!
Most people currently have no beliefe in self. I was raised with full knowledge of the world around me…. full knowledge that people had something to teach… full knowledge that I had something to do….
The message though came accross with a lot of emotion and things my parents wanted me to overcome for them and I was one of the people in their lives that would listen. I am in no way shape or form taking away from my parents… we take what we have and try to make better.
I have since, through lots of tests, found that I believe in, want….. people to be as whole / balanced as they can be. I found mine once… for a moment. This site, these people were part of that. I didn’t realize it at the time, now getting it…. when you feel “happy”, hold on to the familiarity of it. And then start to fight for it. It is that worthwhile. All “potential loss”… Happy gives you the strength to continue to do what is your strength.
I have “lost” a lot of friends over the years. Over doing what I needed to do… not what I wanted to do, not what I always “felt” ish….. but something drove me. I was meant to be something…. even though I had lots of dought. I thought I was to be someone else than who I am now. Amazing….
I am currently faced with the “helping everyone feel better”, “losing all that I would want”, “feeling horrid that there is more loss”…. and yet, I am willing to give all that up. Because, in the first time in my life, I actually believe in me. I actually believe in my gift. I actually am with full knowledge knowing it will hurt, trust that I can help those I care about, and are “mine” get through it too and help them be stronger…. more whole.
I was so sad to see so little posts here… I always trusted it was here. God bless. Ask…. it will come. I always thought I was asking for me…. through all the struggles…. all the losses.. and that… I have come to find out, I fight for people… for kids especially. And I am now an adult (or right at it. LOL)
Keep asking, keep wanting, keep trying, keep being… we all make a diffence. And I want for all of you to find a place that you can “vocalize” or “show” or “be” just you… that is unjudgemental… Just you own “Private Idaho”. A place to just be… for a moment.

Change and Acceptance

The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. – Nathaniel Braden

We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation. – Jim Rohn

I think one of the most difficult concepts for people to comprehend is that before you can change, you must accept where you are first. Many people think that the acceptance of something they do not want means that the unwanted thing stays. But, actually, the opposite is the truth.

When we choose not to accept something we don’t like about ourselves, it actually focuses our minds more on the very thing we don’t like. We fret about. We worry about it. We judge ourselves. We feel self conscious. We feel guilty and etc. All of this negative attention prevents us from making the change we so desperately want.

That’s where acceptance comes in. To start the process of change, you must accept where you are or accept the very thing you want to change. For example, use words like “I have this thing I don’t like, but it’s not permanent. It doesn’t define who I really am. It’s helped me understand what I truly desire. It has made me stronger. Etc.”

It’s important that when you are trying to accept something you don’t like about yourself that you use words that are believable. If you don’t, then the acceptance you are looking for will not come or will be much harder.

Once you accept, change becomes easier. Your mind is then freed from the confines of dislike and non-acceptance which allows your creativity and drive to help you change.

Remember, be easy on yourself.


Happy 4th!

It has been very rainy, cloudy and cool up here in the northeast. I was beginning to call this place New Seattle. But, today, the weather shifted, the clouds dissolved and the sun came out in style.

Everyone and I mean everyone seemed to be out. I think we were all a little stir crazy up here. The beaches were packed and the roads were clogged with people going to the ocean.

The theme for me was relaxation. We typically don’t spend enough time to simply relax. It’s important for mental and emotional health. Most of the time our lives are moving at a fast pace and it never seems to end. So, taking time out for yourself to do nothing can be very therapeutic.

Relaxing for me meant hanging out with friends, eating good food, playing music, sitting on a boat in the Wickford Harbor and watching an awesome fireworks display.

I plan on doing some more relaxing tomorrow. I believe this round of therapy is working well. :-)

Have a great day!


“Remember me”

You know that  little check box that says “remember me”?  It’s  a regular feature on most websites that require a log-in and was at the bottom of the WordPress screen as I logged in a few minutes ago.

“Remember me” is what I should be saying, with a big, not just big but GIGANTIC question mark – like this: “REMEMBER ME?”as it has been a very long time since I’ve written in this space. (Hello?  Hello?  Are you out there??)  I’m not missing.  I just wandered.  Wandered off. Wandered for a bit.  Wandered away.  Wandered afar.  Wandered around. (I can go on and on about it…) Really, I’m still out here and haven’t forgotten about being in this space, either.  Sometimes (well, I probably should say “often”) it’s a juggle for time, for priority and many things racing to be first in line.  For instance, in the midst of writing this ever-so-brief blog I was interrupted to: put the bassets out; put the bassets to bed; feed/water the outside cat, TJ; try to unhook the hose from the spigot as it is freezing tonight (no luck on that one);  put the laundry in the closet (it has been on the floor for days – probably 10 days).  Now, I look at the clock and I have to stop and go to sleep.

No worries. I’ll be back.



The Best of Humanity

Nobody can contribute to the best of humanity who does not make the best out of himself. – Johann Gottfried von Herde

This quote is why I believe that a certain level of selfishness is critical to our well-being and hence the well-being of everyone in general. When we take care of ourselves we have more to give. When we put ourselves first by keeping our own cup full, we become an example for others to bring themselves to a better place.

It’s the old adage for saving money: Pay yourself first and somehow all the other bills get paid. It’s funny and sometimes seems counter intuitive but I believe it is a fundamental truth. When we sacrifice ourselves for others while not sustaining ourselves, we grow weaker. We feel emotionally malnourished and probably don’t even know why, especially if it has been going on for many years.

I believe in giving to others but giving to ourselves first sets us up for success in a variety of ways:

  • We feel more fulfilled
  • We feel emotionally satisfied
  • Our creativity is enhanced
  • Our overall life attitude improves
  • We are happier
  • We become an example to others on how to live
  • We have more to give

So, take care of yourself. Do things that make you and you alone happy. Practice that hobby. Do fun things. Make sure you are giving to yourself on a daily basis. Use the rest of the day to help others. You won’t regret it.


Snow storm

The first major snow storm of the winter blew through southeastern Massachusetts this afternoon just before dark. Two inches had fallen by nightfall, which happens before 5:00 p.m. these days. Because her plans came together late in the afternoon, I agreed to take my stepdaughter to a friend’s house just as the storm hit its wildest point.

We probably should have turned around when I realized just how bad the roads were, but by that time we were halfway there, and it would have been disappointing to my child not to finish the trip. The drive was a little scary, but mostly because my imagination tends to kick in when things start to feel out of control. I tried to push out of my mind the idea that I might make a wrong turn in the dark on the way home and drive off the road.

It’s a good lesson to remember every once in awhile that we sometimes choose to think things are worse than they are. It’s easy to do with so many examples in the news and in our lives of things turning awful. How much better, though, to move the opposite direction and envision things being even better than they seem.

Our street lost power tonight after I ate dinner, so here I was alone in a house without lights or an internet connection. After complaining about it on the phone with my wife, I climbed into bed with my laptop and watched a silly romantic comedy with the last of my laptop battery.

I guess the point I’m making is that I can get carried away hoping things don’t take a turn for the worse, when it would be every bit as logical to hope that things will take a turn for the better. This sounds like a superficial kind of pretend game, but I mean it seriously. Where we have the chance to make things better through our determination, I think we have a duty to do it.

Nothing is more important.

The power has just come back on in time for me to finish this before bedtime.

Looking Forward

Flo’s post  and Michael’s, to which she refers, raise an essential point. There is no progress in looking backwards (though as I say that, I wonder about Freudian psychotherapy). For me that’s true. My tendency is to look too far forward. Flo is right: the power of meditation is watching only the present moment.

Too often at work I’m wondering what I should be doing next, after I finish my current task. It would be more productive to finish the current task.

At my writing teacher’s suggestion, I am writing poetry now, to develop the knack of finishing things. When you finish anything, it gets easier to let the future worry about itself.

This sounds pretty trite, but the reminder isn’t. I’m afraid to look the present squarely in the eye sometimes. I’m worried I won’t like my options. But people I admire like their options. Surely I could copy them.

I’m in the mood to give practical advice. So here it is for tonight. Find friends who know how to attack the present head on, whether or not they are intimidated. Flo does that. Michael does that. Eirene does that. That’s a lot of models to start with.

Bill Simmons of

I take my inspiration wherever I can find it, and often it comes from really great pieces of writing that take me by surprise. Tonight, I read a column on the NBA by’s Bill Simmons called “Thank you for the Suns.” In it, Simmons claims that the Phoenix Suns basketball team may become the greatest basketball team in 20 years. What thrilled me reading the piece is that I’m not much of a basketball fan these days, and I’m unlikely to start watching a lot of games, but Simmons loves the game and makes you want to love it too.

He argues that we’re in an era of pro sports when there are no truly great players in the team sports. This leaves him hoping that the Suns may be the great team he’s been hoping to find. Then he builds the case for why they are such good players and so fun to watch. By the end of the article, I wanted to see a game on TV, and I wanted to watch them play the Celtics when they come to town.

What really grabbed me about the article was that I like it when anyone is really excited about anything and is able to explain why. I love watching sports because you occasionally see those moments when athletes, through their tremendous hard work and collaboration, attain a level of excellence that exceeds your expectations. It’s rare in my corporate job that I experience the fast pace and rhythm of a fast game.

It’s really nice to see adults take child’s play and enhance it with surpassing diligence and execution. Read the column if you like sports at all.