Monthly Archives: February 2010

Still working it… still believe in it….

The biggest struggle in life that I have found is finding someone to believe in you when you have hard things to do. Even if they are the right things (not always the right ways, but with the right intent).
I find that the world right now is really needing people that just believe and support. If you are one of those people that do… Believe! Breath! Find the Balance!
Most people currently have no beliefe in self. I was raised with full knowledge of the world around me…. full knowledge that people had something to teach… full knowledge that I had something to do….
The message though came accross with a lot of emotion and things my parents wanted me to overcome for them and I was one of the people in their lives that would listen. I am in no way shape or form taking away from my parents… we take what we have and try to make better.
I have since, through lots of tests, found that I believe in, want….. people to be as whole / balanced as they can be. I found mine once… for a moment. This site, these people were part of that. I didn’t realize it at the time, now getting it…. when you feel “happy”, hold on to the familiarity of it. And then start to fight for it. It is that worthwhile. All “potential loss”… Happy gives you the strength to continue to do what is your strength.
I have “lost” a lot of friends over the years. Over doing what I needed to do… not what I wanted to do, not what I always “felt” ish….. but something drove me. I was meant to be something…. even though I had lots of dought. I thought I was to be someone else than who I am now. Amazing….
I am currently faced with the “helping everyone feel better”, “losing all that I would want”, “feeling horrid that there is more loss”…. and yet, I am willing to give all that up. Because, in the first time in my life, I actually believe in me. I actually believe in my gift. I actually am with full knowledge knowing it will hurt, trust that I can help those I care about, and are “mine” get through it too and help them be stronger…. more whole.
I was so sad to see so little posts here… I always trusted it was here. God bless. Ask…. it will come. I always thought I was asking for me…. through all the struggles…. all the losses.. and that… I have come to find out, I fight for people… for kids especially. And I am now an adult (or right at it. LOL)
Keep asking, keep wanting, keep trying, keep being… we all make a diffence. And I want for all of you to find a place that you can “vocalize” or “show” or “be” just you… that is unjudgemental… Just you own “Private Idaho”. A place to just be… for a moment.