Lately, I have been noticing how easily I am annoyed and irritated. It has been a prevalent thought since the meditation retreat. This is probably not the best theme for a blog about happiness, but it’s honest.
I often talk to people about how as humans we can feel two (or more) emotions at the same time, but wonder about these. Happiness AND annoyance? Happiness AND irritation? As I write, I justify my thoughts with the concept of “an overall air of happiness with moments of annoyance and/or irritation.” No, I don’t think that’s it and I wonder what is really going on.
Irritation and annoyance enters the picture when someone interferes with MY plans. You know, like the neighbor who rings the doorbell and I am (1) annoyed the doorbell rang, which means my “please knock” sign disappeared , and I am (2) not feeling like talking to anyone and there is someone at my door. Thankfully, my spouse answers the door and the only thing the neighbor wants is to use the hose to water her horses in our pasture. It’s not an annoying request. Yet, I was annoyed. I was irritated. Was I doing something so important that couldn’t be interrupted? No. Did I answer the door myself. No. My mind ran in circles, restating #1 and #2 above and I even accused my spouse of taking off my small sign. I’m not proud of any of this and wouldn’t be writing about it, except the response is a little typical right now.
For the moment, I continue to observe it. I try not to judge myself too harshly. I try to look for the origin of the issue, but the water is dark, dark blue and it’s a deep pool that I can’t see the bottom of right now. I stand on the side of the pool and look in.